Staying the Course

Starting out, my husband and I brought our own unique fears into our marriage. At first we did not discuss them. But staying the course as we have with our marriage, we now know how to voice our fears to one another, and how important it is to voice our concerns with each other.

It’s not easy to be vulnerable. It is not easy to trust. It is not easy to admit out loud to our fears. Yet, without vulnerability, without trust and without admitting our fears to each other, a marriage relationship will be found lacking intimacy. 

Confidentiality, closeness and understanding is exactly what I longed for in our marriage. Yet, intimacy was also my greatest fear. 

 Even without a psychology degree I understood that my father’s suicide had left its imprint on my life. 

Going into marriage, I knew I had the propensity to distrust more than trust, to be more suspicious than certain and to feel more misgivings than confidence in others and in myself.

The lesson I’d learned from my father’s suicide was that I’d trusted once and it had not turned out so well. Why should I trust again? 

Yet, I knew that if I stayed the course with my fears, I’d never experience the fullness of my relationship with my husband.

Did you know that the feeling of fear never goes away? So, instead of waiting for the feeling of fear to leave, I learned to feel the fear and do it anyway. 

Yes, at first I felt awkward talking out loud to my husband about my fears, misgivings, and uncertainties that lingered inside my mind. 

 But, he listened. He didn’t necessarily understand. He didn’t necessarily have a solution. He didn’t necessarily feel competent. But, he listened and that was all I needed him to do.

Since then, my fear has become less dominating, less of a barrier, and less of an influence in our relationship.

Why Bother?

Why bother staying the course? Staying the course with marriage allows us to practice feeling the fear and voicing our concerns with each other resulting in what we all long for; acceptance and intimacy.