Learning from Experience

Marriage is a good place to learn from our mistakes. Marriage is a good place to learn from our experiences. And marriage can also be an education in hard knocks.  

There was a time when I acted as, “The blessed controller of all things.” I actually believed I could direct and control the lives of those living in my domain. 

It all started with my husband.

When we first got married, we did not own a television. In time though, we did. 

Who knows the difference between the NFL, NBA, MLB, NCAAF, MMA, NCAA and boxing? Who followed the World Series? Who cared? My husband. 

On Sunday afternoons and weekday evenings, his attention appeared to be riveted to a boxing ring, a football stadium or a basketball court. 

I tried taking an interest too. I tried to converse about the playoffs. But overall, I couldn’t see the point of the game or understand the rules. 

Watching sports, I surmised, was a distraction and an unhealthy pastime for our young family. It took away from evenings of reading, or after dinner walks and talks. I stated my case to my husband, but he did not see it my way. 

It would take a drastic measure for me to get my point across to him. Simply unplugging the damn thing would do nothing. Smashing it with a hammer would make a mess. The next morning, it dawned on me, I’ll take it out of the house.

While my young sons slumbered in their beds and my husband drove off to work, I called a friend who owned a large garage and asked if she had room for me to store our television.  

Exhilarated with my great idea, I unplugged the T.V. and carried it out to my car. Luckily, it fit in the trunk. Not until leaving it in my friend’s garage and driving home did I consider my actions. Was this too radical of a move? Was this a good thing to do? 

When I got home my sons asked about the empty space created by the absence of the television.

“Won’t Dad get mad?” Asked the youngest.

“How will we watch the World Series?” The oldest asked.

“I don’t think Dad will be very happy about this,” commented the middle son. 

All three were right. That first night, my husband made no comment. He only shook his head. The atmosphere in our home only grew more tense as the silence ensued between my husband and me. 

Then, I finally recanted.  

“I was wrong,” I admitted. 

“I get your point,” he acknowledged. 

“It was petty of me.” 

“Following sports is just one of the things I like to do.”

“I see that now.”

Why Bother? 

Why bother learning from experience? Looking back on some of the things I said and did at the beginning of our marriage are memorable mistakes. But, I am grateful that I am no longer repeating those same mistakes. Instead, the school of hard knocks has taught me that attempting to control others should never be attempted.