Understanding the Differences

We are better adults if we can understand that each sibling and parent relationship is different. No two are the same. No two are equal.  

Of course the relationship that I had with Mom and Dad was different from the relationship my brothers and sisters experienced. Though I didn’t get around to thinking about this idea until later in life, it is better to be late than never.

After four years, our bimonthly sibling phone calls continue. It is during these calls that I hear about my siblings’ randoming recalling their relationships with our parents. 

For instance, on one call, my youngest brother related how Mom taught him to read. The rest of us were in school and he had Mom all to himself during the day. He’d sit on Mom’s lap while she read to him and eventually learned how to read. 

I felt a tinge of jealousy when I listened to him talking about his special time with Mom.   Mom never did that with me. But then again, how could she? Such an intimate time with any one of her kids required time; something she did not have. But when she found some time, my little brother was around to receive it. No wonder he turned out so sweet.

Then my oldest sister told of how Dad gave her guidance for a vocation. He wanted her to become a nun. She went on to become a nurse and for a while, felt a little guilty about not becoming a nun. 

Dad was not around long enough to give me any direction concerning a vocation. But he did live long enough to tell me that I’d grow up to become someone special. I know I am special to some!

Then there were those relationships that my brothers had with Dad. They tell of fishing trips, a few hunting trips and long car rides where serious conversations took place. 

One of my brothers related how much fear Dad instilled in him. Something I personally did not have to experience.

Growing into adulthood, each sibling experienced a different relationship with Mom. She had closer relationships with some and not so close with others. 

It was the middle sister who took on managing Mom’s care later in life. Then for the last months of Mom’s life, one of our brothers and his wife cared for Mom. For these siblings I am forever grateful. I could never have done what they did.

Why Bother?

Why bother understanding the differences? Having siblings means there will be differences in the relationships we have with parents. There is no reason to be jealous, envious, or spiteful. But there may be a reason to be grateful.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.