Wanting Someone to Listen?

It’s a new month with a new focus for my blog; why bother wanting… We all want something from someone. But these wants have more to do with heart longings than material belongings.

One thing most everyone wants is for someone to listen to them; face to face and heart to heart.

I once read that there is a good reason why we were created with one mouth and two ears; It is twice as hard to listen as it is to speak. 

Listening requires tuning in, paying attention and using our ears consciously. Focusing on someone else’s words, even if they use only a few of them, takes practice.

From personal observation, I’m convinced that if I want someone to listen to me, I have to first practice tuning into others.

Conversations are an exchange of words between two or more people. Our ideas, notions, beliefs, concerns, fears, worries, impressions, apprehensions, feelings and suspicions are conveyed to others by what we say, and how we say what we say.

Some of the dialogues we have can be short interchanges with seemingly unimportant information such as with a store clerk. We are courteous and pleasant and tune in only as long as we need to.

But over the course of time, the more you see that clerk, they may begin sharing more personal information because they think you may be interested in knowing more about them.  

This happened to me at my local grocery store. One of the clerks and I had a mutual friend. At first she kept me abreast of  our friend, but then, May (not her real name) began sharing more personal things with me; her brother’s diagnosis with cancer and her own diagnosis and eventual early retirement. 

May and I never became best friends, exchanged phone numbers or went out for coffee. Yet, when I see her, I can give her a hug and ask how she is fairing. Tuning in with our ears can employ our sense of empathy towards others; even a store clerk.

Then there are those more personal exchanges with others such as with a spouse, close friend or relative. In such cases the relationship’s health depends on listening to each other.

I married a man of few words and I of course am a woman of many words. At first, listening to each other was painful. My husband, at times, can take what seems an awfully long time to express just one idea. I, on the other hand, can express more than one idea rather quickly. 

How then did we become good listeners to one another?

With patience.

I learned to give my husband plenty of time to say what he needed to say and showed him that I had plenty of time by sitting down or standing still. 

My husband learned to ask me questions which helped him to clarify all my ideas. 

Why Bother?

Why bother wanting someone to listen to us? Wanting to be listened to is part of being human but so is listening to others.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.