Our Adult Children

Though at first I was uncertain and fearful about becoming a mom, the second I cradled our first born in my arms, I felt something fierce and tender at the same time; my heart was transformed into the heart of a mom. 

Motherhood is complex. No matter how old our offspring get, we are still credited with birthing them, raising them and training them.  

When my sons were young, they depended and relied on me to nourish them, comfort them and help them out with whatever they needed help with.  

I took my “job” and my responsibilities as their mom quite seriously. It wasn’t until our youngest son was a sophomore in high school that I left the track of being a stay at home mom. 

Now, my sons are full-grown adults and though I still have a mother’s heart, my job of mothering them is done. 

At first I felt a little displaced. But I’m grateful that I’ve got a live-in coach; my husband. 

He too was once a mother’s son and knows how it feels to be an adult son to a mother with a mother’s heart. Over the years, I’ve grown to rely on my husband to give me guidance and counsel when it comes to relating to my grown sons.

“Our parenting is done,” my husband adamantly told me when our last born left home. 

We’d taught them all we knew; healthy habits, honest communication, and all about the work ethic. Now it is up to them to put those things in place for themselves or not. Thankfully they have embodied most of those lessons for themselves.

“They have their own lives,” is another point my husband makes. They are all married, employed, have friends, and are busily engaged in living their lives. Now, they are the ones who decide how involved they want to be with their mother.

One more point my husband likes to make is, “Don’t take it personally.” When they choose to decline a dinner invitation, when I’m unable to connect with them via a phone conversation or when I feel a chilly shoulder aimed my way, I can’t help but feel a little hurt. My coach reminds me though, I am not savvy to everything that is going on in their lives. I only know a portion of their story and if they want to tell me more, then it will be up to them to do so in their time and in their way.

Why Bother?

Why bother getting along with our adult children? My mother’s heart is still beating because I will always be their mom. Now though, I’m getting used to no longer being their main squeeze and realizing that that is quite okay. 

P. S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.