Our Mindset 

A mindset is a pattern of thought we establish with ourselves. It is how we’ve decided to think about something. Our mindset is based on what we believe to be true. The only time our mindset changes is when we decide that what we once thought of as true, is not. 

I’ve learned much about forgiveness from experts such as Robert D. Enright, PhD, a licensed psychologist and a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin–Madison. Reading what he says about forgiveness bolstered my knowledge and understanding which is the reason for part 2 of why we should bother establishing forgiveness as our mindset. 

In my previous blog, I stated that forgiveness does not hinge on forgetting, on whether or not the due process of justice is fulfilled, and that forgiveness does not equate reconciliation. Today’s blog will cover a few more ideas from Enright’s research.

Did you know that forgiveness does not mean that we have to tell our offender that we are forgiving them in order for our forgiveness to have a positive effect in our lives. Which is one of the reasons why I had to wonder if a person could forgive a dead man. 

Forgiving my father would not do my father any good, but when I forgave him, I felt an instant buoyancy inside of me. Forgiveness released the weight of my resentments and long held grudges. It was visceral and it was real.   

I attempted to approach my mother to let her know that I was forgiving her for lying to me about my dad’s death. Since she was still alive, I had a faint hope that our relationship might have a half chance of changing. 

But she was unable to converse with me about anything remotely related to the event. Nonetheless, I didn’t need her to know that I forgave her too 

As a kid, do you ever remember an adult shaming or coercing you into saying that you were sorry? I remember how I’d obey on the outside, but on my inside, I was far from being sorry. We can’t be shamed into forgiving someone. 

I have to say that forgiveness is not effortless because it does involve work and no one else can do the work for us. Forgiving someone is very personal and it becomes our personal journey. 

Though more than 50,000 people commit suicide in any given year, those who are left behind, the survivors, will each have a different experience with forgiveness if they see they have a need to forgive. 

Finally, forgiveness  is a choice. When we arrive at the point where we believe we really do need to forgive the person who did not live up to our expectations, that is where we can weigh the pros and cons of forgiving someone. We can ask ourselves whether or not we want to keep going the way we’ve been going, or hang a hard right and start our journey of forgiveness.

Why Bother?

 Why bother establishing forgiveness as our mindset? The decision is ours to make. Once it is made, then we’ll reap the benefits.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.