Believing the Truth About Forgiveness

Whatever we think about forgiveness, even if it is not true, we’ll believe it. In my case, before forgiving my father for ending his life by suicide, I didn’t think I had the right to be angry at him about anything.

Initially his death made me sad. But, a few days before the funeral, I asked one of my older sisters to tell me how Dad really died.

She asked me, “What did Mom tell you?”

“That his heart just stopped.”

“Well, I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you, but he hung himself with his bedsheet at the Veteran’s Hospital.” 

Hearing the truth from my sister was much harder for me to process than the lie from Mom. 

But, Mom never talked with me about Dad’s death and after hearing the truth from my sister, neither my sister nor any of my other siblings talked with me about Dad’s death. 

No one can sort through their trauma without speaking about it and silence only makes it worse. 

I’d never felt anger toward my dad while he was alive so when I felt anger toward him after his death it surprised and frightened me at the same time. What was I supposed to do with this? Confess it as a sin the next time I went to confession? But we’d quit going to church as a family so going to confession was unlikely.

I knew that talking with Mom would be useless too. Though I’d seen her angry plenty of times I remember asking her once if she was angry. Her response? She slammed her fist on the counter while loudly exclaiming, “I’m not angry!” 

The anger I felt toward my father made me feel guilty. My guilt made me feel ashamed and my shame caused me to be defensive. It was an exhausting cycle.

It wasn’t until years later, as an adult, that I began investigating my anger and discovered that it had originated years ago with my father’s suicide. Only then, did I realize that forgiveness breaks the cycle of anger, guilt, shame and defensiveness. 

Why Bother?

Why bother believing the truth about forgiveness? When we discover the incredible benefits of forgiving, we can’t help but begin to forgive.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.