Checking Our Expectations

Sometimes when what I assume should transpire between me and another person does not happen, then, I get a little miffed. When I bump up against this feeling of displeasure, annoyance, or irritation, instead of sinking into a mire of disappointment, I am learning to ask myself, “Where did this expectation originate from?” 

Questioning where the expectation came from can help us to rethink, reset and resolve those snarky emotions that sometimes arise when our expectations are unmet.

I’ve tried not to have expectations of others, but erasing what I think ought to happen, what I hope to see happen or anticipate a good thing happening is as futile as transforming myself into a Vulcan where logic rules and emotions are rare. 

So, knowing that I cannot erase whatever hope I have, asking myself a few questions is helpful. I don’t ask, “Is my expectation reasonable?” because of course, according to me, it is. A better question is, “Where did you get this expectation?” 

Most of our habits of thinking have been learned either directly or indirectly from others. For instance, I learned table manners directly from my mother. She gave commands such as sit up straight, chew with your mouth closed and keep your elbows off the table. Those table rules became a habitual way of thinking for me so that when I sit down to eat with others, food is not falling out of my mouth making it a pleasant rather than an unpleasant experience for everyone. 

Something I learned indirectly from my mother was what I should expect from my grown children and their spouses. Mom’s indirect comments of displeasure surrounding her adult children and their spouses left me with the impression that pleasing Mom was imperative.

Most of my siblings and their spouses took mom’s expectations with a grain of salt and with gracious kindness. Yet, her words still left an impression with me, so much so that when I bump up against an unmet expectation with one of my offspring or their spouse and feel that snarky feeling, I have to ask myself, “Tell me, why were you expecting something different?” 

Why Bother?

Why bother checking out our expectations? Sometimes, our expectations come from an outdated, archaic or illegitimate source. Checking out the source of our expectations and asking ourselves a few good questions may help defer those snarky feelings that arise when our expectations go unmet.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who, like me, know they need to change, but are not quite sure where to start. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.