When I was on the brink of ending my own life, Jesus intervened. He offered me an immediate, actual, and first hand relationship with Himself. Crazy, but true.

Faith is not for the Faint of Heart

The temptation to call it quits, to throw in the towel and oust myself, stemmed from a conglomeration of circumstances. 

First of all, when I was thirteen, my father ended his life and by the time I was twenty-one, I’d used up all my power, might, determination and reasonable thinking to make a happy life for myself. In spite of my herculean effort to manufacture happiness by various ways and means, I had no happiness to speak of. 

After giving thought to my possible options, I concluded that following in my father’s footsteps was the right way to go. I reasoned that he surely must have felt as I felt, disheartened, and hopeless without a solution in sight. Since, he’d decided to end it all, so could I. 

Then the crazy yet true thing happened that changed everything. Jesus literally showed up and offered me a personal, first hand, and true to life relationship with himself. This sudden, unexpected and lifesaving  proposal meant that instead of ending my life, I’d start over with a new life, one called walking by faith. I accepted Jesus’ invitation. And though I’ve never regretted my decision, my walk of faith has at times led down difficult passage ways, more arduous than I ever expected or wanted.   

For instance, when I had to labor and deliver a full-term baby who was already dead, I wondered, “What is the purpose of this, God? And by the way, you could perform a miracle and breathe your breath of life into this child.” 

But, instead, my path of faith went right through Death Valley. While walking through that dry and desolate place of grief, I glanced around hoping to find a different less painful route, perhaps even a short cut. But, there was none in sight. So I plodded forward, ever so slowly, without perfection, cautiously, and full of doubt and despair. Putting one foot in front of the other I resisted the temptation to curl up and give up. Then, eventually, gradually and at just the right moment, the dark valley opened up into a new and refreshing plateau. 

That trip through Death Valley taught me that faith in Jesus is not for the faint of heart. Instead, faith requires true grit, steadfastness and commitment. Our relationship with Jesus is neither a one night stand or a casual encounter, rather it is full-time undertaking.

Why bother to persevere in faith? We never know for sure what lies ahead along our pathway. But we can rest assured that although God is limitless, he will never push us past our limits.