Our limits are personal and unique to us. As we become more acquainted with ourselves, we realize our physical and mental limitations actually keep us well. Learning to live within our limits teaches us and others how to honor and respect our limits. 

    Knowing Ourselves

None of us have limitless energy and our vigor. Personal vitality and power vary from day to day and season to season. But when we know what we are capable of doing or not doing, when we acknowledge what is good and not good for us, then we build resilience to feeling rejection when at times we have to say to someone, “No, I don’t want to do that,” or “No, I cannot do that,” or simply, “Yeah, no.”

  Even though not everyone likes to hear the word no, if we cannot say it when necessary, then we begin to experience physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. Not only do we experience weariness, but we also consciously or unconsciously build up a list of resentments. We wonder when the other person will start considering us as much as we consider them.  

Saying no when we cannot do something, or do not want to do something is paramount to living a life of honesty; honesty with myself and with others. 

Telling someone no is a way of taking care of ourselves. And contrary to what some may think, taking care of ourselves is not a selfish act. It is a necessity.

We do not have to complicate or elaborate on our no. I like the little saying that someone has coined, “No is a complete sentence.”

When we refuse someone’s invitation or request we can in kindness, tell them no, without an apology. Though they may be offended, we are not responsible for their response because we are not intentionally trying to offend them. 

I don’t have a hard time saying no, but sometimes I am too quick with it. Understanding why we don’t want to do something is important. Am I setting a healthy boundary for myself, or am I just afraid of saying yes?

Fear, as well as freedom from pain or chaos used to motivate me to say no more often than yes. Surviving my father’s suicide included keeping my emotional guard up. The result? I built a strong fortress between myself and the rest of the world. 

But building and remaining inside a fortress is not the same as living freely within our limits. A citadel constricts, limits and keeps us in solitary confinement. But knowing our limitations allows us to honor what we know we can and cannot do and move fearlessly about in this big wide world.  

Sometimes we do need gentle reminders from those who know and respect us. For instance, my husband will occasionally ask me, “Are you sure you want to ….”  His words can cause me to pause and consider whether or not I really can or want to do…

Why bother living within our limits? Knowing our limits and allowing others to know them too, takes practice. We will never arrive at perfection, but the more we practice living within our limits, the more freedom and ease we experience in living our lives.